Recently, we traveled to see family and Dominic was very excited for the trip. He was analyzing the trip more than he would in the past and I quickly was questioning why he wanted to know what was going on, what time things were going to happen, and what we were taking. I started to become frustrated with the fact that I thought that we previewed too soon with him and made him unsettled. I couldn’t understand why this was so different and I questioned how we were handling it as parents. I wanted to know why he was having so much anxiety about the trip.
Dominic continued to ask questions about what we were going to pack, would I remember his toothbrush, where would he sit in the car, were we taking Izzy, would we pack his medicine, etc. Ed and I had to lay with him in bed for 15 minutes one night answering questions. The biggest question he asked was around packing. Finally it hit me, “Dominic, do you want to help me pack so you know what everyone is taking?” He immediately said, “YES!” He asked me if we could pack as soon as I got home from work the next day and I reassured him yes.
The next day, I was reflecting on our conversation and was a bit frustrated that he was this anxious and talked to Ed about it. My perception was that he was having anxiety and we pumped it up too much to the point that he was nervous and unsettled. Ed brought another preception to light and truly I feel that he reset me in the moment with his explanation. He said, “I choose to look at it as a step of growth. That if Dom was to pack indepently for a trip, this is his brain working through that. I look at it as a huge step and it gives me hope.” I thanked him for his honesty and reflection. His perception truly changed the way I looked at it and calmed me at the same time.
That night I got home from work and immediately when I walked in the door, Dom said, “do you need me to get two suitcases?” I said we could work on it together. He asked me to start packing with me right away. We got started and he did a wonderful job. I couldn’t believe how well he did and remembered almost everything with very little support. He packed for all four of us and was extremely proud of himself for his accomplishment.
Travel can be a stressful time especially when you are trying to support a child with special needs. Our own perception can be a deciding factor on how we view things and how we let it show growth or make us feel it is a set back. I appreciate Ed for challenging me and seeing this experience through a different lens.
