How many times do we hear people say that children or adults with autism can’t look people in the eyes? It is something that we hear frequently and yes this can be a challenge so I ask the question if it is hard, why do we force them to do it? Especially if it is painful or uncomfortable. We are doing it because that is what society thinks is acceptable. I am the first to never want my child to be talked about poorly and manners is very important to our family however, I do not want my child to be in pain to make someone else feel they are listening or being polite.
With this being said, I do ask my child to “look at my face.” When I am asking him this, I am not telling him to look me in the eyes. I am merely asking him to give acknowledgement that I am speaking and to glance anywhere on my face that he feels is the most comfortable. It is not forcing him to look at me in the eyes and it is giving him a choice.
Through these choices, I feel that he has become more confident and comfortable to look people directly at their face. I am not saying he looks at people in the eyes all the time but he is looking in their direction. It is important that we stay consistent with our child with our expectations so we inform friends, family members, and teachers to say “look at my face.”
This is one of our plans to help our son feel a little more comfortable in a world that is coming at him in every direction. It is a simple way for us to give him a choice and allow him to be a bit independent on a small decision that could be so much more.
