To Meltdown or Not to Meltdown
No matter if your child has special needs or not we can all relate to the dreaded meltdown. A full blown meltdown not only exhausts the child but the parent. Dominic has really reduced his meltdowns but it doesn’t make me forget his younger years. I remember those times very well and there was always the question in my mind “to meltdown or not to meltdown.” I don’t want anyone to take away from this post that we do not tell our child no or educate him on the way he should handle himself. We have worked very hard at this however there are those moments we have to make quick decisions for everyone involved.
Many times there is nothing you can do when the freight train of a full blown explosion is going to happen but there are those ways or times that you can give in a bit so it is not an extreme blow up that leaves everyone in tears and embarrassment. Below are the top five times we tried to refrain from a meltdown with at all cost. No matter if it meant me carrying my child to a safe place, giving him whatever he wanted, answering 1000 questions, or just praying to get us through the next ten minutes or ten hours of our life.
Top 5 Situations We Refrained From a Meltdown At All Costs
5. Birthday Parties-There is nothing more stressful than going to a birthday party for us and our child not being fully prepared for what is going to come. He used to hate when people sang “Happy Birthday” and all the screaming and yelling that came out of it. There is enough stress on this event that we even let Dominic tune out and fall asleep at the parties. Were we upset, NOPE! He was happy and he put himself in a sleep to block everyone out. There are times, we say we wish we could tune others out and have an excuse. However, a birthday party is the one place no parent wants judgmental stares so we choose to support him and not have any negative interactions. We are on full court press during these times to ensure everything goes as planned.
4. Church– We have the most fantastic church that we attend and we have strategically made sure that even the people we sit around remain in the same pews each week and we have the same usher every Sunday. We have also had to leave church five minutes early because at one mass, the priest had people applaud to celebrate a visiting priest. Well this caused a full blown meltdown. Typically, Dominic doesn’t mind clapping however he is a rule follower. He did not like that fact that people were breaking the “silent rule” and he became very upset. We now have to leave five minutes early, just in case they clap. This is one way we can negotiate and keep our sanity. We have to celebrate that he actually makes it through an entire mass each week and he knows the routine so well, he could probably lead it.
3. Santa– We went to the mall ONE TIME…yes…ONE TIME for photos and that never happened again. This is not a place where parents want to see a child fully having a sensory processing overload of emotions pouring out of them. Especially when their children are ready to experience the magic of seeing the big guy. How did we refrain from a meltdown, we hired the most amazing looking Santa that even our oldest son believed that he was the real deal because he came to our house. We invited family and friends to our house and Santa spent an hour with us enjoying breakfast and taking pictures. I had a friend of mine take the pictures and they were fabulous. Things were going well for the first few years however our Santa became unable to come anymore because of health reasons so we had to cancel this event for future years. It is heartbreaking but we were avoiding another meltdown because Dom would know someone else wasn’t the real Santa.
2. Haircuts– Lord help me through haircuts. I would pray that the kid cut place I took him to had the sympathetic stylist there I wanted. The one that wasn’t afraid and was willing to support me through this wrestling match that John Cena would have been impressed by watching. If I knew she was working, I would run home and get Dom after I took Vince. I was a sweating mess and considered each time that maybe I should just let his hair grow and sport a man bun. Here comes the bad news, one day they closed without notice. My favorite stylist was not to be found. This is when that “Lord Help Me” comes in. I found her and you bet she still cuts our hair today. She never gave up on us and now Dominic sits for a haircut with no problems.
1.Airplanes and Travel-I will pretty much do anything to have my child not meltdown on a flight or during travel to places. I will drive to a farther airport to have a direct flight, plead with TSA to let my son have his headphones quicker than they think they can get them to him, make friendly chatter with people around us so they know our situations, bring two Ipads just in case one doesn’t work for some reason and of course bring snacks. People are usually short tempered during these times and I never want the judgemental eyes of others looking at our family with the not so subtle eye rolls. Yes, we see them, yes we hear you, and yes, it hurts. Trust me, I do all my research, all my preparation, and all my planning not only for my family to have a smooth trip but most of all not to inconvenience you and your family.
So many times, we reflect on why we do things. Many times it is because I don’t want Dominic to be a “show” or for others to judge something they have no idea about. However, we also do it to make other people’s lives easier. It makes it easier for them not to have a child around them showing too much emotion or getting upset on things they think are simple. The bottom line is at times, I will say I am doing it for Dominic but when I truly think about it, I am doing it for others or myself so we don’t cause a problem for them or make a scene. This is why we question “to meltdown or not to meltdown” in every situation and pray we make the right decisions not only for others but more importantly for us.
